Columns – Virtual Therapy
Johanri Engelbrecht is a Clinical Psychologist who has specialised in Imago Relationship Therapy.
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Virtual Therapy
Why do we deal with loss differently?
Dear Jo,
I read your response to Sally in your last column. It also helped me a lot. My husband and I divorced after we suffered a loss. I was relieved to see that I wasn’t alone, and that I didn’t fail in some way.I was just interested to know why we sometimes respond to grief in such different ways. I think it’ll help me understand why my husband and I were pulled apart rather than together. I think that will help me come to terms with what ended up being a double loss.
Birgit
Virtual Therapy
I’m scared of losing them both
Dear Jo,
Eighteen months ago, our two-year-old tragically drowned in a pond. Mark, my husband, refused to talk about it and it’s got so bad that I feel shy to even bring up Jason’s name. I want to talk about him all the time. What it means is that Mark and I avoid each other and hardly talk about anything at all. I’m scared this could be the end of our relationship, and then I’ll have lost them both.
Sally
Virtual Therapy
Love and apologies
Dear Jo,
Please tell me what to do. I know that I did some things in the past that really hurt my partner. However, I have said “sorry” so many times but she still can’t forgive me.
Virtual Therapy
When romantic love turns into a power struggle
Dear Jo
I’m feeling so upset. It feels like my partner has tricked me. He used to be so loving and caring when we first met, but since our engagement a couple of months ago, he’s changed completely. We’re constantly fighting about the smallest things, and he doesn’t want to spend time with me anymore.
Virtual Therapy
Meanings and misunderstandings
Dear Jo
I was very interested in what you told Phil about the Tiger and the Turtle. My husband and I are so familiar with the steps of that dance, because we’re constantly using it. Towards the end, you said we should make sure we really hear what our partner is saying – that is so true. My husband often thinks I’ve said the complete opposite to what I’ve actually said.
Virtual Therapy
The dance of the Tiger and the Turtle
Dear Jo
Why is my partner so difficult? When I confront her about an issue she often sulks or says, “I don’t want to talk about it. Now is not a good time”. Quite frankly, it feels like there’s never a “good time”. She just wants to sweep our problems under the carpet and think they’ll go away if we ignore them long enough.
Virtual Therapy
Do you speak the same love language?
Dear Jo
My wife keeps on nagging me to give her compliments or to tell her that I love her. We’ve been married for 11 years now – why doesn’t she realise that I would never have stuck around for so long if I didn’t love her? I’ve always believed that actions speak louder than words, and so I wash her car every Saturday – if that is not a clear message that I care about her, I don’t know! But instead of appreciating it she always complains that all I’m concerned about is cleaning the cars. She just doesn’t understand me.
Virtual Therapy
Imago Relationship Therapy
Relationships can be deadly. No-one teaches us how to get through them whole and happy. We charge in and battle it out, each of us thinking we’re right.
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