Columns – Your Gay Best Friend
Ask your gay best friend for help on anything at all. Gabriel's tart but not unkind, and he's impossible to shock. He may not be an aunt, but he's used to agony. And the fact that he's a shrink doesn't harm.
-
Your Gay Best Friend
My boss is making inappropriate remarks
Dear Gabriel
My boss has been making inappropriate remarks to me at work. But I find myself strangely excited by the idea (she’s quite old, actually. She must be
at least 35.) I can’t get her out of my head. I know it would be a mistake, but it seems to happen all the time so it can’t be that bad.
Simone
Your Gay Best Friend
How long should you go out with someone before sleeping with them?
Dear Gabriel
How long should you go out with someone before sleeping with them? My boyfriend says that, if you accept a second date, you’ve actually accepted
that you’re going to sleep together. Otherwise you shouldn’t say yes. We’ve gone out twice now. What do you think?
Angela
Your Gay Best Friend
Oh come on Rochelle, you’re a contortionist
Dear Gabriel
Three years ago I met a wonderful man. He said he couldn’t do relationships, but I could tell he loved me. My friends don’t really understand this (because they didn’t see him), but I could tell from the way he looked at me and reached out to touch my arm.I knew that, given time, he would get over his commitment problems (he’d just got divorced). I have gone through periods of great anguish wondering if he’s serious. He goes long periods with no contact - I think he just finds it too hard.
But then, I’ll be hugely reassured when, after we meet at a get-together of friends or at a party, we sleep together. Admittedly not often.
(Actually only three times.)
Your Gay Best Friend
My best friend has a boyfriend…
Dear Gabriel
My best friend is in a relationship. She swore it wouldn’t make any difference to our friendship. Instead, all she does is work and spend time with this man.
I feel betrayed. I had the run of her house before and we used to spend evenings and weekends hanging out together. Now I only get to see her now and again, when she has the time.
Your Gay Best Friend
Is it still unfaithful?
Dear Gabriel
I’m a gay woman. I have lived with the same woman for 15 years. I have one question for you: is it still unfaithful if I slept with a man?
Your Gay Best Friend
Sex just for sex sake?
Dear Gabriel
I haven’t had sex in eight years. I was a single mother, and for a while, didn’t feel the need. Then I suppose I got out the habit. Or maybe I come over too desperate.
I can live by myself (with my child) and I can keep myself occupied. But I just want to have sex. I bought the bloody vibrator at the suburban sex toy party. But I’m just no good with it. It seems cold.
I’ve recently got so desperate I have dreams and desperate longings. I can’t concentrate. I’m tempted to put an ad in the paper, or meet someone on the internet. Anyone, just so long as I get to feel a real man’s skin.
Your Gay Best Friend
To come out or not to come out, that is the question
Dear Gabriel
I’m a gay man in my 30s. I had one partner for 12 years until he died of a heart attack. I couldn’t really date for a couple of years, then I found it quite hard to find someone. I suppose I’m the kind that likes to settle with someone.
Finally, I have met someone. I really like him. He’s a lawyer. He’s fairly recently divorced and has two teenage kids. The only trouble is that we’ve been dating now for a couple of years and he still hasn’t come out to his kids.
Your Gay Best Friend
Kids or no kids
Dear Gabriel
I’m in my 40s and divorced. I have two pre-teens. Recently I met a woman in her early 30s. She’s never been married. We’ve got pretty serious, I suppose. We both like the same things.
We met in a cycle club and we cycle marathons together. My ex-wife never liked things like that. We were planning to move in together in a month or two. Now, the thing is, right out of the blue the other night, she said that when we had our kids ... something or other. I didn’t even hear the rest. I mean what a shocker.
Your Gay Best Friend
How many times can you say “I love you”?
Dear Gabriel
Why does my wife insist on hearing that I love her all the time? I just don’t understand this neediness in women. What could have changed since 9pm yesterday? I told her last night that, when I stopped loving her, I’d tell her. Until then, she could take it as read. She burst into tears. Why is she so irrational?
Your Gay Best Friend
Two for the price of one
Dear Gabriel
A friend of mine, let’s call her Claire, told me in confidence about a man she’s seeing. She’s crazy about him, and he’s told her he loves her. Very expressive, apparently. Unusual for a man. But there were just a few things she told me that made me think I’d heard about this man before.
Another friend of mine has also been seeing someone who says all the right things and brings her flowers. So I asked Gail one or two quick questions and discovered they’re both seeing the same man.
© 2008. All About Love Online Publishing
