A one-sided romantic fantasy

Dear Gabriel,

I’m a university student. I was never away from home before this year. Now I’m living in res. I haven’t had a proper boyfriend before. My English professor is in love with me. And I am with him. He’s never said anything, of course. He’s too shy. And he probably thinks he’ll get into trouble. But he says things in lectures that are meant just for me. And he looks directly at me while he talks about Romeo’s love for Juliet. He has these little codes that tell me what I mean to him. He can’t say anything directly, naturally. To show that I understand, I wait outside his office for him, and sometimes follow him all the way to his car, or the canteen. Sometimes he goes to the library. He always sits in the same place. I know that he knows I’m there, although we don’t say anything. I know he can’t. I’ll have to wait till I’m not a student anymore. I’ve found out where he lives and sometimes on weekends, I want to wait outside his house. Just so he knows I’m there, and that I understand. So that he feels my love and warmth even though we can’t be together yet. Do you think this is enough? Or should I speak to him more directly, do you think? I could also phone his wife, I suppose. She ought to know sooner or later that he’s going to leave her.

Melissa

Dear Melissa

Oh dear, I’m afraid you are what we call a stalker. Now that I’ve shocked you, can we talk? I will try to be gentle about this – I have read your letter very carefully and I can actually find no evidence in it that he has feelings for you. However what I do see is ample evidence that you have developed a one-sided romantic fantasy which allows you to “see” what is not there. Why this has happened is not revealed in your letter but I urge you to find a really good therapist to speak to – she or he will help you accept that there is no romance and unlock the reasons for your feelings.