Absence doesn’t make you fonder of your writing

For me, absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder - of my writing. I don’t know what it is about me, but the more I don’t look at my writing, the more convinced I become that it’s awful.

Even a week’s break can make me anxious. And because I’m in the sad position of actually having a day-job, that happens every week. I have to read back a couple of chapters, as much to reassure myself as to remember exactly where I was.

You do flow better when you can write regularly. But clearly, if you’re busy on a long project, there are going to be times when you can’t write: a big project comes up, you go away, a major personal event holds you up … or maybe you lose confidence for a while.

I read some advice recently that suggested you “visit” your project regularly, even if you aren’t writing. Glance back over it, keep it in mind. It probably would be a good idea -  it might stop you (if you’re anything like me) from convincing yourself of its general unworthiness.

Takes great strength of character though, particularly if you stop because you lose confidence. You may not bear the thought of looking at it. The very idea makes you hot and cold all over. All the more reason why it probably would be a good idea … that’s the theory anyway.

My loss of confidence was exacerbated by a trip away. And for a while afterward, I found every excuse not to look at it. When you want to find an excuse not to write, you’ll find one. We have busy lives. There’s always something else you should, or could, be doing.

Strength of character is an elusive thing. I found it eventually, but it took me a while. I set aside a day, gritted my teeth, and started reading from the beginning. Once you get going, you get back into it quite rapidly.

When you write, you enter a particular state. The idea of rereading is to find your way back into that space. When you do, the ideas and creative impulses flood back from when you last wrote. They don’t just disappear, clearly. They hang in limbo somewhere, waiting for you to come back to them.

And generally, you find yourself pleasantly surprised. Hey, this isn’t so bad, you think, as though it were written by someone else entirely. It may even be that the break has done you good, altered you, helped you look at it from another angle.

Now, don’t go and use that as an excuse …

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