In Search of a Sensitive Man

Allaboutlove is constantly on the look-out for good column material for you, our beloved readers. Our assiduousness in this regard is confirmed yet again by the following correspondence with a world-renowned columnist.

*Please note: his name has been changed since we absolutely refuse to give him the slightest recognition until he has accepted our extremely reasonable conditions.

Dear allaboutlove team,

Congratulations on your new website allaboutlove.net, which I read about yesterday.

I am busy writing a romantic novel at the moment. The thrust of the novel is about a guy who puts it into her and feels much better afterwards. Obviously it is a bit more subtle and more complex than this.

Would this be suitable for your website?

Kind regards

Stuart

Dear Stuart,

I think a novel of such sensitivity and depth of feeling would be essential content - especially written by a man. It’s so seldom one comes across such emotional ease and expressiveness in men. It makes one wonder about the origin of stereotypes.

I do hope you finish your romance soon. I’m sure it’ll make us all very wealthy, although our objectives are a bit more subtle and complex than that.

Come to think of it, we’re looking for a man who would be sensitive enough to write a man’s eye view about relationships. I think you’d be perfect for a column like this.

Kind regards,

The aal team.

Dear team,

Re your proposal – Oh Jesus! I always thought we were friends, but obviously I was wrong.

If it weren’t for the lines in your e-mail in which you - quite rightly - draw attention to my high level of emotional expressiveness and sensitivity, I would reject your offer out of hand.

But thinking about it, I guess I may have some wisdom to impart to the fairer sex who, in my experience, often lack the high level of emotional awareness that I possess in these matters.

But I probably need to think this through … As I see it, it’s a no-win situation for me.

Kind regards,

Stuart.

Dear Stuart,

Absolutely no-win. Yet I’m sure your legendary altruism would make it difficult for you to refuse. Might be difficult for you to set aside your emotional extremes, though. Our readers could find your emotional intensity a touch exhausting. Could you manage dead-pan, do you think?

Kind regards,

The team.

Dear team,

I’m always dead-pan. In fact, some people think I’m long dead.

Kind regards,

Stuart.