Characters on the Couch
Gabriel St Claire, gives advice on life, love and lust.
Do people just fall out of love?
Dear Gabriel
I read a book in which a seemingly happily married man woke up one morning and told his wife he had just come to the realisation that he was no longer in love with her, and was going to leave her. How likely is it that this would come in a giant revelation? I found it most unbelievable and unsatisfactory.
Simpiwe
Dear Simpiwe
I agree with you that it is unlikely that he would have a realisation like that with no sense of unease, disquiet or dissatisfaction before this moment. It often sounds like the premise of a Hollywood movie where a realisation such as this makes for a more dramatic viewing experience. This allows the jilted wife to go on a journey of discovery where she eventually finds true love and happiness with a much better man, all in 90 minutes so that you have enough time to finish your popcorn and chocolates.
In real life, which is often more blurred shades of grey and beset by the banalities of daily life, there would have been disagreements, a drifting apart and occasional fights, interspersed with some good moments. I do think it’s possible for a person to deny their doubt and so they may suppress it until a cathartic moment arrives, but usually there will be signs in the ebb and flow of daily life. As a matter of interest, whose point of view was taken in this, because a very different book could ensue!
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Comments
1
This happens all the time in real life, although perhaps it would not be so easily digested in a work of fiction. But from my standpoint as a wife, this is exactly how it appeared to me when my husband revealed he didn’t want to be married any more and didn’t have feelings toward me anymore. Friends confirmed that I was not delusional—that it appeared we were in a loving and close relationship. He had little nicknames for me. He was extremely affectionate. We spent almost all our free time together.
So…. it does happen.
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