Fabulous sex but wont commit

Dear Gabriel,

It’s been a long time coming. I have been out of a relationship for a few years. But some time ago, I met someone. I think he’s the love of my life. I just knew it, from the first time we talked at length. The trouble is he’s got major baggage (which is not to say that I’m entirely free of baggage). He’s separated from his wife, and he has two children living with him.  The thing is: we only seem to get together when I make some arrangement. He always seems happy to see me. We have fabulous sex, we talk into the night, he puts his arm around me in public … but then I hear nothing for weeks on end. Sometimes I get paranoid that he’s just using me. Then I wonder if he’s had a fatal accident.  But when we’re together, I really think its love. Is he just too scared to commit further after his wife’s infidelity. What should I do?

Tshidi

Dear Tshidi

I hope this doesn’t sound insensitive but what’s the problem here? He likes you, he enjoys your company, the sex is great. From his perspective, it’s honest and straightforward. If he was making false promises to marry you and pretending to be in love with you to get sex, then I would also be angry. Maybe he doesn’t know how you feel, maybe he’s not ready for another involvement, maybe his kids take up a lot of his time. Lots of maybe’s which you are only going to unravel if you put your cards on the table, tell him how you feel and state clearly what you want (do you know?). He might just surprise you, but at least you will know where you stand. Based on his feedback, you will be in a better position to make the decision that works for you. Oh and about the baggage, yes we’ve all got it, we’ve just got to find more efficient ways to carry it (I’ve got mine on wheels).