Forbidden Fumblings

What is it about coveting what we can’t have? Honestly, during prohibition in the US, alcohol sales increased.

Only when the government finally realised that all they were doing was making the mafia rich, did they repeal those laws. What if I told you that the government was about to outlaw jelly babies…you’re already thinking about jelly babies, aren’t you?

You’re wondering whether you should just pop down to the corner shop quickly and buy some, before this law gets passed and they are banned. In fact, maybe you should stock up on some of those bulk packs. Mmmm, jelly babies.

So, speaking of babies (nice segue there, don’t you agree?) I have come to realise one of the truly fabulous advantages of having children for your sex life. The thrill of being caught!

We all remember those teenage days. Whether your fumbling spot of choice was the front doorstep, the TV room couch, the back of his car, the church pulpit at Youth Club or behind the bicycle shed, half the fun of kissing, or should I say, making out, was the thought that at any moment you might get caught. Busted!

I’d go so far as to say a fair number of fumblings only took place because the girl wanted her parents to catch her, because she was pissed off with them. Sorry guys, you were being used.

So fast forward a good few years, and here you are once again giggling in a darkened corner: “Shh, or they’ll hear us!”.

The thrill of the chase is back, only now the potential “busters” are small children and, if they do catch you, they may indeed be scarred for life. But hey, isn’t that what parents are for?

I’m seriously considering hiring my son out to couples whose love lives need a little help. You can have him for the weekend as long as he doesn’t so much as see you touch each other. No kissing! No nookie!

Free babysitting here I come…