Okay, let me get the sermon out of the way first: I think you’re generalising about women. I know loads of men who are needy in relationships – and your comments to your wife sound a bit crass and insensitive.

Given that you know she is sensitive about whether you still love her, your comment does not, I’m afraid, come across as reassuring, but as provocative.

But I’ll bend over backwards to be fair to you too: perhaps what you see as clingy neediness is driving you mad and you have run out of ways to reassure her she is “the one”.

But what I’m reading from your comments, as brief as they are, is that you and your wife are a mismatch in terms of emotional expressiveness. 

Perhaps you have different understandings and expectations of the relationship. There could be millions of reasons for her need for reassurance, many of them linked to childhood relationships. Similarly, your ability to be quite self-sufficient is also rooted in your past.

My recommendation is that you consider chatting to a counsellor together to unravel your respective histories so that you can better understand your needs and hopes for the marriage. But be warned: this has to be about you as much as it is about her. Go with an open mind and a willing heart. Good luck!