I lost my best friend and my boyfriend

Dear Gabriel,

My best friend went to an arts festival and met a guy there. But she already had a boyfriend (Jake) so she and Robby just made friends. He came into our crowd because of her and we started going out. I really liked him. We went out a lot, the four of us. It was great really. We had lots of fun together. Then Jake and Sue broke up. Next thing I knew, Robby broke up with me and was going out with Sue in about 2 seconds flat. I’m so upset. I don’t suppose I wanted to marry him or anything, but I think it’s really mean of Sue. And I feel idiotic around them now. I can’t bear to see them all kissy-kissy in front of me. It seems like he never liked me at all. He was going out with me to be near her, and just wait for her to break up. I feel like I lost my best friend and my boyfriend.

Brittany

Dear Brittany

Ouch, these things hurt don’t they? If this was the Bold and the Beautiful, you would date Jake and things would be all just dandy, if a little more complicated. But in the real world, people usually take much longer to get over things and relationship hopping has consequences.

On the face of it your analysis could be right – Sue wasn’t available so Robby just hung out with the crowd, dated you casually and seized the moment. Some people seem able to do this – is this the kind of person you really were destined to be with? The same applies to Sue – I do think there should be some codes of conduct with friendships: at the very least a decent time should elapse before taking up with a friend’s ex. To be “kissy-kissy” in front of you seems cruel and unnecessary and you have every right to feel sad, hurt and offended by this.

They might be people who say this is lighthearted fun in a group of friends and all’s fair in love and war. For you, though, this isn’t fun and it’s not fair. Maybe a break from them both would do you the world of good because right now you’ve lost perspective, and you’ve lost your sense of self worth. Take time to be with people who like and respect you, do lots of fun things and let yourself heal. Good friends and nice men will come into your life – you deserve it!