In love with my best friend

Dear Gabriel,

I’m in my final year of high school and I’ve been in love with my best friend for the past year. She doesn’t know and I can’t tell her. She’s the only friend I have and I’m really scared of losing her. I’m scared of what people will think too. But if I don’t say anything, I know I might not see her after this year anyway. Should I say anything? How do you tell someone something like that?

Palesa

Dear Palesa

This is a tough one and I do feel for you – either way you run the risk of losing something. I have to be honest, I belong to the camp that says run the risk of rejection and tell her. Yes, she might be frightened and confused by your feelings for her, especially if she does not share them. And yes she might withdraw from you and even end the friendship. On the other hand, she might cope rather well even if she doesn’t share your feelings – sometimes we underestimate people and their capacity to absorb stuff. You know her well so you may have some sense of her resilience.

If you say nothing, then what you risk is a friendship that is not real and genuine, partly because you’re going to be editing all your conversations and actions, but also because there will be a lack of honesty. If you really are close she will pick this up and wonder what’s happening. 

There’s no easy way to tell someome you love them, especially if you are not sure how they feel. I would choose a time when you are both relaxed and out of school and plan the words so that they come across as thoughtful and clear. Don’t apologise or present your feelings in a negative light: love is a good thing and being in love a delight. As a word of caution, may I suggest you have some back up? I’m not sure if you feel you are a lesbian or if this is just something special between you and your friend, but I would strongly recommend you find out about local organisations which are gay and lesbian friendly (or offer services specific to gay and lesbian people) where you can get support and information. Good luck!