It’s Valentine’s Week - and the characters are all having wild sex

It’s Valentine’s Day again. I’ve been so busy that I hadn’t noticed it approaching. I feel like my entire contribution to the tradition has been to advise a writing course participant on the wild sex her characters have been having – which makes me feel a little like a couples counsellor.

It also requires that I keep a perfectly straight face, and resist the temptation to ask how much she drew from life.

Naturally, I am only kidding. Characters can have all kinds of sex, for all kinds of reasons that bear no relation to our real lives. But I do believe that our own response to sex and intimacy can affect the way we write about it.

If you’re self-conscious in real life, you’ll be so on the page. Likewise over-confident.Which brings me to another point. Learning to write sex can teach you a quite lot about having it. Really, it can.

Just take Richard’s and my first lesson in writing about sex: Every scene, even a sex scene, should take the story forward and develop your characters.  So, we tell participants: “Before your characters have sex, ask yourself why.”
Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Probably because it sounds like your mother: “Before you leap into bed, dear, ask yourself why on earth ...”

Our lives are stories. Or let’s look at it this way. Stories are a rehearsal for life. Each day is a drama and you are the heroine who stars in it.

So in future, remember that sex always develops your character in some way, even if you think it won’t change you.
 
“Sex scenes up the intensity,” it is said of romance writing. “Women characters feel more emotionally involved, which makes them more vulnerable to conflict with the hero…”
And if you break down after three days and phone him, well … it also moved the plot forward. It advanced the story of your life.

And don’t forget that writers don’t always use sex to turn readers on. Sex can show insecurities and neuroses, the gaping holes in relationships … Sound like life?

See our significant Valentine’s specials on all online courses on http://www.allaboutlove.net for the month of February, including the course on writing about sex.