Your Gay Best Friend
Gabriel St Claire, gives advice on life, love and lust.
Kids or no kids
Dear Gabriel
I’m in my 40s and divorced. I have two pre-teens. Recently I met a woman in her early 30s. She’s never been married. We’ve got pretty serious, I suppose. We both like the same things.
We met in a cycle club and we cycle marathons together. My ex-wife never liked things like that. We were planning to move in together in a month or two. Now, the thing is, right out of the blue the other night, she said that when we had our kids ... something or other. I didn’t even hear the rest. I mean what a shocker.
Surely she realises that I’ve had my kids? Why would I want more? Now there’s this thing between us. I don’t want to lose her. If I tell her now, she might leave. Maybe if I just let it drag on for a while, it might get too late for her. Or maybe she’ll just forget the whole thing and realise our lives are perfect. After all, she has my kids to mother on weekends. What do you think?
Gary
Dear Gary
I think if you had your head buried any deeper in the sand your middle name would be ostrich! Do you really think that if you just pretend not to have heard her need, it will go away? This may work for some things in life – well maybe none really – but trust me it’s not going to work with this issue.
No, you are going to have to sit down and talk about this stuff like two mature adults, who are both who are in this relationship to really know and love each other (warts, talents, needs, hopes, quirks and all).
She can’t possibly be a mind reader and she’s entitled to want children with you. On the other hand you’re perfectly entitled not to want any more, but you need to tell her. Yup, relationships actually need to be worked at and yours needs some right now. If it doesn’t work it’s better to get out now before you are much further down the road.
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Ask your gay best friend for help on anything at all. Gabriel's tart but not unkind, and he's impossible to shock. He may not be an aunt, but he's used to agony. And the fact that he's a shrink doesn't harm.
