Mirrors anyone?

Dear Gabriel

I think my character is turning out to be a bit of a narcissist and this is beginning to bother me. It bothers me because what does this say about me and also because I think narcissists are so unlikeable that no one will want to read my book. But this damn guy has taken so much hold of my imagination that I can’t let go of him! Can you tell me more about this personality type?

Many thanks

Itu

Hi Itu

Yes I can – and be reassured, the fact that you worry about being a narcissist is a good sign as this usually means you aren’t one. Having said that of course, I do remember one friend, who exhibits many narcissistic traits, constantly congratulating himself (in my presence) for our shared levels of insight. Hmm this is a clever trick because if I disagreed with him it would seem that I did not believe I had insight, and if I agreed with him then I was caught up in his web of ego and self congratulation. All very messy and quite typical of narcissists who insist on being special and amazing. Ordinariness is no good for them.

So what typifies the narcissist? The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders which psychiatrists and psychologists use says that they have a “pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts”. Your average Hollywood star in other words.

They will often exaggerate their achievements; may be preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty or ideal love; believe they are “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (see my friend above); require excessive admiration; have a sense of entitlement; can be interpersonally exploitative; are often unwilling to recognise or identify with the feelings and needs of others; are often envious of others or believe that others are envious of them; and show arrogant or haughty behaviours or attitudes.

Perhaps it’s worth distinguishing between those among us who have narcissistic traits (and if we’re honest we can all recognise bits of ourselves in the descriptions above) and those who have the full blown “disorder”. In this case it will manifest as a deeply ingrained, inflexible, maladaptive pattern of relating, perceiving and behaving, serious enough to cause distress or impair functioning. These people are not psychotic, that is they are in touch with reality, but they have a pervasive, life long way of thinking and behaving which makes their lives, and the lives of those around them, unpredictable and complicated.

And sometimes fun and amazing as we are caught up in their whirlwind of fabulousness and imagination. But my word they can be tiring. I think, depending on your character and how you write him or her, you can create a compelling story as long as you give them some insight and empathy – no one really likes a glittering but empty hero or heroine.

Cheers

Gabriel

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