On what to eat when disappointed in love

That inevitable day has come. It’s over. He’s gone for good. You haven’t yet got to the point at which you’re able to think about picking up the pieces and moving on. You need to indulge and wallow. In my opinion there is only one food suitable for this most miserable of times: chocolate.

Probably the most comforting of things to do would be to eat a whole chocolate cake yourself. Alone. And to do so in the shortest possible time but not so short a time as to make you sick. So to be safe do so over the course of a day while lying on the sofa and reading romantic novels.

Before embarking on this wholly forgiveable indulgence, start by having a reasonable breakfast. Perhaps something raw. Of course, you might be feeling so bad that you can’t eat – fine, then don’t.

After breakfast bake the cake. You have to choose the recipe carefully. Whatever you do, don’t use your ex’s “My mother makes the best chocolate cake ever” recipe. Throw that one in the bin. If you choose your recipe really carefully you can eat the first slice while the cake is still hot, like the Chocolate Almond Cake. Look for one without the words “...when the cake has cooled...”

One way of regaining your self esteem would be to make a cake that is so complicated that you would normally only make it for a very special birthday, a 21st or a 50th or perhaps even a parents golden wedding anniversary.

But if hours in the kitchen is not your idea of fun then a quick fix along these lines would be the Deliciously Decadent End of an Era Chocolate Mousse Cake. If you think that eating a whole cake is not something you can do then go ahead and fool yourself and bake a tray of brownies. Then you can find that you have inadvertently finished them without having had to keep cutting slices.

But you might feel you can’t bring yourself to bake at all. The alternative, of course, is to go shopping. I think this is a cop-out so as punishment you must buy yourself something made from silk first, lingerie if you are female, boxers, a scarf, even long johns if you are male. I hope you don’t have to resort to a tie.  Silk sheets are, of course, also an option? 

But back to chocolate. You need variety and a challenge to take your mind off your misery. Set yourself this task: find what you consider would be the best chocolate to go with, say, a single malt, French champagne, the best coffee, a glass of organic farm fresh milk, or a cup of Earl Grey tea. Buy all of them, don’t skimp and then buy the matching beverages. Go home and spend the rest of the week mourning your failed relationship.

Recipes

Chocolate Almond Cake

150g dark chocolate
75ml water
100g sugar
175g ground almonds
6 eggs separated

Preheat the oven to 170°C. Grease a 20cm cake tin and dust with cocoa powder. Melt chocolate with the water over simmering water. Add the sugar and beat well.
Add the ground almonds and mix for two minutes. Remove from heat and cool slightly. While the mixture is cooling beat the egg yolks until pale and thick and the whites until stiff. Mix the yolks into the chocolate mixture. Fold in the egg whites. Bake for 40 – 45 mins. To serve either dust with icing sugar or melt some more dark chocolate with a tablespoon of cream and drizzle over the cake.

Deliciously Decadent End of an Era Chocolate Mousse Cake

9 egg yolks
100g sugar
250g butter
300g dark chocolate
6 egg whites

Preheat oven to 140°C. Grease a 23cm cake tin. Beat yolks and sugar until thick and pale. Melt butter and chocolate together over simmering water. Beat the chocolate mixture into the yolk mixture little by little until well blended. Beat the egg whites until stiff and fold them into the chocolate mixture. Put 2/3 of the mixture into the cake tin (refrigerate the rest) and bake in a bain-marie for 55-60 mins. It will probably fall in the middle but don’t worry about that. Allow the cake is slightly and then turn it out onto a rack. When completely cool, place on a serving rack and cover with the remaining mousse. Refrigerate until serving time.

Adapted from Georgia’s Chocolate Mousse Cake from Pam Hirschsohn’s Treasury of Recipes.

Cranberry Blondies

200g butter
300g best quality white chocolate
3 medium eggs
150g castor sugar
½ t vanilla extract
200g plain flour sifted
Pinch salt
1 tablespoon grated orange zest
100g dried cranberries

Preheat oven to 180°. Grease an 18 x 28 cm baking tin and line the base with greaseproof paper. Melt the butter with 150g of the white chocolate over simmering water, whisking until smooth. Remove from heat and cool slightly.

Beat the eggs, sugar and vanilla together until pale. Beat the melted chocolate mixture into the egg and sugar mixture. Fold in the flour, salt, remaining chopped chocolate, orange zest and 75g of cranberries. Pour into the baking tin and scatter the remaining cranberries on top. Bake for 20 minutes until the top is firm and the inside a bit soft. Leave to cool in the tin. Cut into squares, dust with icing sugar and serve.

Recipe from Good Cooking by Jill Dupleix.