Parents as role models for relationships?

Dear Gabriel
Is it true that we always fall in love with one or other our parents (in different guises, obviously)? In other words, we pick someone just like one of our parents.
Anesh

Dear Anesh
I’m wary of any “prescription” for relationships – it’s hard to reduce our complexity to a formula such as the one you have outlined. I do believe, however, that our growing up years, and our relationships with parents, siblings, relatives, friends and teachers shape who we are, and leave us with wounds and issues and needs which play out in our adult lives. But sometimes our partners can be composites of traits we like, or traits we are trying to avoid, in our parents. And different partners can evoke different parts of ourselves. Personally I enjoy novels where characters are well rounded and have bits of both parents in them, or grow to discover these as time passes.

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