Rights and wrongs

Is it true that we homosexuals are an apolitical lot, perhaps the gay men more than the lesbian women? Are we just interested in parties (not the political ones, unless they promise us tax cuts for double basins in the wet room because to share may be human but it is not divine) and holidaying and fashion and sex? I’m prompted to ask this because a friend of mine recently turned up at a local LGBT organisation for a “discussion evening” (yes this can sound a bit dull I suppose) and found he was the only person there.

The topic was “human rights” with a specific focus on gay rights. Now this is a very pertinent topic for us here in South Africa, not only because of our dismal track record in the apartheid era but because democracy has brought amazing freedoms and rights for us as homosexuals. One of the most recent rights we’ve secured has been the right to have our relationships recognised in the form of a civil union with full recognitions and rights, equal to the marriage rights of straight people. Ok so there are some among us, and here I bow my head in acknowledgement (just work with me ok, even if it seems a bit royal and queenly), who have long said that if marriage rejected me then I reject it. There was something knee jerk in this but a deeper analysis of marriage does suggest that it is a rather quaint arrangement which seems to lock couples into a lifelong servitude to each other when they should have split when it had reached its sell by date. Oh sure yes the kids need protection and stability but the laws of marriage don’t guarantee this. And many societies have developed other forms of child rearing not dependent on “til death us do part” promises, often made in the flush of infatuation and lust, or fantasy.

But, doubts notwithstanding, I do recognise that a lot of benefits do come with a legal union which is equal to marriage. And for those among us who wish to have our relationships recognised, with the rights that come with this, I say go for it. After all if straight people make a mess of this institution why shouldn’t we be able to do the same, just a bit more flamboyantly and with a more stylish class of crockery being flung across the kitchen?  Quite a few men and women in this country have taken the plunge and here’s a toast to them. Some have even divorced already so I guess we’ve entered the ranks of “normality” there.

But this right to marry, and many other gay rights here and in other countries, have come off the backs of courageous men and women who been willing to stick their necks out and brave the insults and injunctions (not to mention the sticks and stones and abuses of laws) of the frightened heterosexuals who believe that homosexual rights will be the end of civilisation as we know it. Oh please. Firstly there are enough horrors and wars and abuses which should be occupying our minds and hearts and actions. Secondly, to call our modern world civilised is an illusion – it’s just a veneer people and we all know how veneers peel back to reveal dodgy underpinnings. And really, gay men and lesbian women are mostly just getting on with their lives, not always quietly I’ll admit, but certainly within the ambits of laws and norms of their communities.

But we need, I believe, to acknowledge the long line of famous and ordinary people who drew a line in the sand and said no further. From Stonewall queens and Harvey Milk in the US, to activists across the globe stretching, like a glittering and gritty lycra, from Sydney to Sao Paolo, Moscow to Mumbai, Dakar to Durban, we owe them, big time. And so when this lineage of gay and lesbian liberationists is forgotten, and “discussion groups” on rights are deserted, I get angry. Sure, most of us will lead ordinary lives and of course there’s nothing wrong with fashion and hair obsessions, but when our people are still getting murdered for who they are, I say let’s assert ourselves and remember there is work to be done. So roll up those sleeves (Dior or denim) dammit and write, meet, remember. Lives may depend on it.