Romantic Relationships – Masculine and Feminine Energy

What defines a romantic relationship? Is it simply a friendship with a dose of attraction thrown into the mix? Or is there something more to it? The unique thing about a romantic relationship, I would say, is the balance of masculine and feminine energy that flows back and forth between the two people in the relationship, and how this can either ignite passion and romantic love, or cause it to be doused out.

Masculine energy is driven and focused, purposeful and action-orientated, while feminine energy is more passive and receptive, nurturing, and gentle. Men and women can possess both masculine and feminine energy and aren’t limited to one type of energy based on their gender.

If you examine the expressions people use when describing romantic relationships or love, you’ll notice how so many people ascribe masculine energy to the man in the relationship. For example, a woman will often say “He totally swept me off my feet” as she speaks about the masculine energy of her lover who is focused on winning her over.

This might seem as if masculine energy is more powerful than feminine energy, but if you examine this concept more carefully something interesting becomes apparent… a masculine man will often feel powerful when he is pursuing and winning the affections of his female love interest. However, there is immense power in feminine energy as well. Just think of the moth that is drawn and focused on getting close to a flame… It is the flame with its light and beauty that is drawing the moth towards it. The flame is often like feminine energy – receptive and light and irresistible.

In a romance novel, where the masculine hero is driven by masculine energy and the feminine heroine has a higher proportion of feminine energy, it often appears that the hero is running the show. But even though a masculine character will feel powerful when he manages to win over the heroine by the end of the book, the feminine heroine has a more subtle form of power in how she relates to the hero – and this is very often in her ability to influence him and draw him towards her with her bewitching femininity, to the point where he finds the desire within himself to lay the world at her feet.

A woman can demonstrate masculine energy in various parts of her life, but if she is attracted to a very masculine man, he would probably bring out her more feminine side. If this failed to happen, I imagine there would be a number of fights and clashes in the relationship, and the relationship would be rather tempestuous. A woman who brings more masculine energy to her romantic relationship would probably get along better with a Beta male, who relates to women with a higher proportion of feminine energy than an Alpha male does.

Although, having said this, relationships full of drama and conflict are frequently the ingredients that make up a compelling romance novel. Masterful heroes who sweep take-charge females off their feet are often the staples of good old-fashioned romances. Georgette Heyer’s novels feature many dominant males who are matched (and won over) by women they cannot boss around, and romance and passion are the result as the sparks fly. An example of a book where both the male and female characters had strong doses of masculine energy is Heyer’s Bath Tangle. Here’s an extract from the book:

“Mr Perrott paused, and cleared his throat. After a moment, he resumed his reading, his dry voice more expressionless than before. The words : “...all my estates at Hernesley and at Ibshaw” intruded upon Serena’s wandering thoughts, and informed her that her share of the bequests had been reached at last. The next words brought her head round with a jerk.
“..to the use of Ivo Spencer Barrasford, the Most Noble the Marquis of Rotherham -”
“What?” gasped Serena.
“..in trust for my daughter, Serena Mary,” continued Mr Perrott, slightly raising his voice, “to the intent that he shall allow her during her spinsterhood such sums of money by way of pin-money as she has heretofore enjoyed, and upon her marriage, conditional upon such marriage being with his consent and approval, to her use absolutely.”
An astonished silence succeeded these words. Fanny was looking bewildered, and Serena stunned. Suddenly the silence was shattered. The Most Noble the Marquis of Rotherham had succumbed to uncontrollable laughter.
Serena was on her feet. “Was my father out of his senses?” she cried. “Rotherham to allow—~ Rotherham to consent to my marriage! Oh, infamous, abominable!”
“Pray, Serena—-! Pray, my dear child, be calm! Abominable indeed, but try to compose yourself!” he besought her. “Upon my word! To appoint a trustee outside the family! It passes the bounds of belief! I suppose I am not nobody! Your uncle! What more proper person could have been found to appoint? God bless my soul, I was never more provoked!”
“Certainly one may say that eccentricity has been carried pretty far!” observed Mr Eaglesham. “Very improper! I venture to say that Theresa will most strongly disapprove of it.”
“It must be shocking to any person of sensibility!” declared Spenborough. “My dear cousin, everyone must enter into your feelings upon this occasion! No one can wonder at your very just displeasure, but, depend upon it, there can be found a remedy! Such a whimsical clause might, I daresay, be upset: Perrott will advise us!” He paused, looking towards the attorney, who, however, preserved an unencouraging silence. “Well, we shall see! At all events, the Will cannot be binding to Rotherham. It must be within his power to refuse such a Trusteeship, surely!”
“He!” The word burst from Serena’s lips. She swept round, and bore down upon the Marquis, as lithe as a wild cat, and as dangerous. “Was it your doing? Was it?”
“Good God, no!” he said contemptously. “A pretty charge to saddle myself with!”
“How could he do such a thing? How could he?” she demanded. “And without your knowledge and consent? No! No! I don’t believe it!”
“When you have come to the end of all this fretting and fuming, perhaps you may! Your father desired nothing so much as our marriage, and this is his way of bringing it about. It’s a cock that won’t fight, however!”
“No!” she said, cheeks and eyes flaming. “I will never be so enforced!”
“Nor I!” he said brutally. “Why, you featherheaded termagant, do you imagine that I wish for a wife upon such terms? You mistake the matter, my girl, believe me!”
“Then release me from so intolerable a situation! To be obliged to beg your consent—! Something must be done! It must be possible! My whole fortune tied up - pin-money - Good God, how could Papa treat me so? Will you assign the Trust to my cousin? Will you do that?”
“Poor devil, no! If I could, I would not! You would bully him into giving his consent to your marriage to the first wastrel that offered, only to break the Trust! Well, you won’t bully me, so make up your mind to that, Serena!”

Although this scene makes for entertaining reading, I do sometimes wonder how these characters would have got on beyond the last pages of this book, when they embarked on a life together. Conflict, drama and sparring can be very entertaining to read about in a romance novel, but in real life, when you’ve had a long day at work, sometimes all you want when you get home is a bit of peace and quiet… and if a tempestuous couple cannot balance their fiery relationship with patches of contentment and calm, then it’s very likely that the fiery relationship will eventually burn itself out.

Balance in love is necessary for it to last.