Technically guilty of bigamy

Dear Gabriel

I am forty and about to get married. I am not sure whether to mention that I married at 18 for a passport. I have never lived with the man and have not had any contact for the last 20 years.
Susan

Dear Susan

The quick answer to this is that technically you would be guilty of bigamy because you are not divorced from your first husband and you need to get this divorce before you marry. What I’m trying to protect you from is that moment in the ceremony when the marriage officer asks if there is anyone in the room who objects to the marriage – you do not need someone to stand up and declare you still married!

The more complicated issue is how to tell your fiancé about this. If he’s an understanding sort then I imagine he might be bit miffed but would wait for you to get the divorce and your life with him could proceed. If he’s not, then that’s more tricky. But do you really have a choice? In my view, not. Choose a good time, sit him down, tell him the truth, tell him what you can do to fix it and trust that a good man will understand the reasons for your actions. I wish you well.