The ties that bind

So as we head for Christmas like a runaway train (is it just me or is the orgy of consumerism a bit sick making?) it’s time to take stock of some media stories which are hitting the headlines here in the southern tip of Africa. Well strictly speaking they reflect some of my own preoccupations as I trawl online and print media (the dedicated blogger must find inspiration somehow), but they have also been in the news. And so, loyal readers, the topic du jour is sex. I know this is shocking to you – a superficial glance at my previous blogs will show that sex has popped up its head with a fair amount of regularity – but bear with me.

So story number one is Mr Tiger Woods. Mr Squeaky Clean and Mr Family Man rolled into one marketable package and tied with the bow of the American Dream (mixed race youth reaches goal to conquer the sports world) falls from grace when it is revealed he has had multiple affairs. We read this with disbelief (well some of us anyhow) because he has a gorgeous ex-model wife, two lovely children and all the money, fame and power one human being could possibly wish for. Why would he risk all of this, and million dollar endorsements, for restaurant hostesses much younger than him? Worse, we’ve seen humiliating revelations, a grovelling statement from Woods and a flurry of bad jokes about holes in one and birdies. Ouch.

Story number two has a local flavour – a widely reported sex abuse trial comes to a conclusion when an older, somewhat successful, singer is acquitted of the charge of years of sexual abuse of a younger, slightly less successful, singer in his teenage years.  Both are male and the trial featured some lurid tales of grooming and sexual acts which are perfectly acceptable (the sexual acts that is) when performed by consenting adults but tacky and exploitative when they involve an adult and a child. The mother of the accuser is also in the news during the trial when it is revealed she may have had a crush on the older man during the time he was alleged to have abused her son.

And story number three is a hot off the press tale – Amanda Knox and her ex-boyfriend are found guilty in Italy of the murder of their friend, Meredith Kercher. This is a complicated case – oddly, another man has already been found guilty of the murder and is serving time – and no doubt there will be years of appeals. But if they are indeed guilty, and the version of events as laid out by the prosecution is true, then a sex game that went wrong was at the root of this horrible story.

In a week when reports about how commonplace sexting is (for the uninitiated this is the new word for sending explicit sexual texts or pictures with cellphones or computers) hit the wires, and other research comparing young men who used porn with those who didn’t floundered, because the researchers could not find enough young men who had not used porn, we have to ask ourselves difficult questions about sex, sexuality and the layers of hypocrisy, fear and denial in many societies.

Tiger’s tale tells us something about the compulsion for novelty and the dark side of power and fame – not only was he prepared to risk everything for sex with other women, he thought he could get away with it! Was the sex worth it? Apparently so. The sexual abuse trial, even though the accused was acquitted, reminds us that these events are not unusual. How odd that on the brink of 2010 we still do not really understand what drives paedophilia – and why pillars of society will risk all for the fleeting thrill of a furtive experience with a minor. And the Knox/Mercher affair is a tragic reminder that sometimes our animal drives for sexual pleasure, and sexual pain, can drive us over the edge, drowning the inner voices of conscience and reason.

No, we have a long way to go to understand this thing called sex and why it can keep us in its thrall, beyond rationality. And I plan to do some of my own investigation – purely in the interest of science of course. Happy holidays!