Characters on the Couch
Gabriel St Claire, gives advice on life, love and lust.
Two for the price of one
Dear Gabriel
A friend of mine, let’s call her Claire, told me in confidence about a man she’s seeing. She’s crazy about him, and he’s told her he loves her. Very expressive, apparently. Unusual for a man. But there were just a few things she told me that made me think I’d heard about this man before.
Another friend of mine has also been seeing someone who says all the right things and brings her flowers. So I asked Gail one or two quick questions and discovered they’re both seeing the same man.
It’s not as big a coincidence as it would seem. They’re both working in the film industry. But I don’t know what to do now. Claire told me in total confidence. She’s just come out of a relationship and doesn’t want everyone to know she’s seeing someone. So now I’m stuck. Do I tell one of them? Both of them? What do you think?
Penny
Dear Penny
This is a tough one because if you say nothing, either or both of them might accuse you of colluding with a player but if you speak out you could unleash all kinds of horrors as they accuse you of jealousy, meddling and heaven knows what else!
I think there are three key questions here. Firstly, what are your motives? Often we genuinely believe we are rescuing a dear friend from a potential heartache but perhaps we secretly want them to be single like us.
Or we have been hurt by a philandering partner and we are on a mission to save the world, one bruised relationship at a time. The truth is, we can’t save the world and sometimes we have to let people make their own mistakes and be there for them when the faeces hit the fan.
Secondly, do we really know what’s going on in these relationships? Both women may intuitively know they are not the only one, but are willing to remain in denial because they can’t face the reality of rejection or loneliness.
Or this man may have told them the truth but they are willing to share him (yes it does happen). So when we, in good faith, share our concerns it’s possible that we bring into the harsh light of reality all kinds of unspoken needs and defences, with hugely unpredictable consequences.
And thirdly, can we really be sure the outcome will be happy? Our intentions may be noble but we actually have no guarantee that Claire or Gail will want your intervention.
So I’m basically suggesting you sit this one out and be there for the fallout, if there is one. Of course there is a mischievous option: invite all three of them to a dinner party at your home, add some alcohol and watch from the sidelines. This could sort things out once and for all!
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Gabriel St Claire our resident shrink turns his attention to solving the problems and exploring the motivations of your fictional characters. Want to find out what makes your character tick? Email Gabriel today.
