What is a spark?

Romantic relationships usually start off with a proverbial “spark”. What exactly is this spark? Where does it come from? And how do you describe it?

Perhaps it results from feeling at ease in someone’s company coupled with a frisson of excitement. It’s strange how in the company of one person you can feel guarded and reserved, while with someone else, you can feel completely the opposite. It’s as if people bring out different sides of us to the extent that we feel that we “click” with certain people, while not with others.

Having said this, is it possible for a spark to grow? Is it possible to start to like someone more and more as you get to know them, and then fall in love with them, or is love really about seeing a stranger across a crowded room and knowing that they’re The One straight away?

Physical attraction is often immediate. However, I think it is also possible to fall for someone that you’re not as aware of on a physical level, at first. In these instances, attraction is something that builds more slowly as you get to know someone, and chemistry is the result. However, deep down, even if you don’t acknowledge it to yourself, you must have found the person pleasing at least in some regard on a physical level when you first met them. Love stories rarely grow out of a feeling of physical repulsion, unless you’re talking about Beauty and the Beast, which is, after all, a fairy story.

I must admit I’m wary about the idea of romantic love starting out across a crowded room, as in the classic song from the musical South Pacific:

Some Enchanted Evening

Some enchanted evening
You may see a stranger,
you may see a stranger
Across a crowded room
And somehow you know,
You know even then
That somewhere you’ll see her
Again and again.

Once you have found her,
Never let her go.
Once you have found her,
Never let her go!

Oh dear. Taking the words of this song to heart could lead to a great deal of disappointment. In fact it seems as if James Blunt did take these words to heart with his song, You’re Beautiful, which is strangely similar:

You’re Beautiful

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I’m sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won’t lose no sleep on that,
‘Cause I’ve got a plan.

You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.
You’re beautiful, it’s true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it’s time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

Both these songs speak about finding love across a crowded place, and how love was born immediately. Attraction can certainly be born immediately, but love takes time to grow. Confusing the two can lead to a great deal of heartache.

Love ≠ A spark.