Columns: Tag – Advice
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Characters on the Couch
Two for the price of one
Dear Gabriel
A friend of mine, let’s call her Claire, told me in confidence about a man she’s seeing. She’s crazy about him, and he’s told her he loves her. Very expressive, apparently. Unusual for a man. But there were just a few things she told me that made me think I’d heard about this man before.
Another friend of mine has also been seeing someone who says all the right things and brings her flowers. So I asked Gail one or two quick questions and discovered they’re both seeing the same man.
Characters on the Couch
How many times can you say “I love you”?
Dear Gabriel
Why does my wife insist on hearing that I love her all the time? I just don’t understand this neediness in women. What could have changed since 9pm yesterday? I told her last night that, when I stopped loving her, I’d tell her. Until then, she could take it as read. She burst into tears. Why is she so irrational?
Characters on the Couch
My best friend has a boyfriend…
Dear Gabriel
My best friend is in a relationship. She swore it wouldn’t make any difference to our friendship. Instead, all she does is work and spend time with this man.
I feel betrayed. I had the run of her house before and we used to spend evenings and weekends hanging out together. Now I only get to see her now and again, when she has the time.
Characters on the Couch
Oh come on Rochelle, you’re a contortionist
Dear Gabriel
Three years ago I met a wonderful man. He said he couldn’t do relationships, but I could tell he loved me. My friends don’t really understand this (because they didn’t see him), but I could tell from the way he looked at me and reached out to touch my arm.I knew that, given time, he would get over his commitment problems (he’d just got divorced). I have gone through periods of great anguish wondering if he’s serious. He goes long periods with no contact - I think he just finds it too hard.
But then, I’ll be hugely reassured when, after we meet at a get-together of friends or at a party, we sleep together. Admittedly not often.
(Actually only three times.)
Characters on the Couch
How long should you go out with someone before sleeping with them?
Dear Gabriel
How long should you go out with someone before sleeping with them? My boyfriend says that, if you accept a second date, you’ve actually accepted
that you’re going to sleep together. Otherwise you shouldn’t say yes. We’ve gone out twice now. What do you think?
Angela
Characters on the Couch
My boss is making inappropriate remarks
Dear Gabriel
My boss has been making inappropriate remarks to me at work. But I find myself strangely excited by the idea (she’s quite old, actually. She must be
at least 35.) I can’t get her out of my head. I know it would be a mistake, but it seems to happen all the time so it can’t be that bad.
Simone
Characters on the Couch
Are we on the rebound?
Dear Gabriel
My partner and I met straight out of other relationships. We get on really well and think we’ve fallen in love.The only trouble is that we spend an awful lot of time talking about our past relationships. We worry that that means we’re in a rebound relationship. What do you think?
Sheldon
Characters on the Couch
The men I meet are so boring and unadventurous
Dear Gabriel
I am 60 and I’m an artist. The problem is that I’d like a relationship but there seem to be precious few opportunities. I’m not desperate, I enjoy
being by myself. But I’m open to the idea. But the only men I meet are, by and large, so boring, set in their ways, complacent and unadventurous that
I’ve started to think I’ll spend the rest of my life on my own. That’s okay isn’t it?
Anthea
Characters on the Couch
Is my character a psychopath or a sociopath?
Dear Gabriel
I’m writing a crime novel (with a strong love theme.) I’m a little confused between the terms psychopath and sociopath. Could you give me the quick version please?
Samantha
Characters on the Couch
Breaking relationship patterns for a character
Dear Gabriel
What makes some people choose exactly the same kind of disastrous person over and over again? I’ve got a character who I want to break out of a pattern like this. But I think I should understand what would make her do this, before I can understand how to get her out of it. For example, she chooses men who are controlling, shout at her and tell her she’s stupid.
Andrea
Characters on the Couch
Do people just fall out of love?
I read a book where a man woke up and told his wife he did not love her anymore. Is this believable in a character?
Characters on the Couch
Parents as role models for relationships?
When we fall in love do we usually choose someone just like our parents or is it more complicated than that?
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