Columns: Tag – Children
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The Greatest Contraceptive in the World
The complete guide to handy sexual positions for parents:
Position One: the Couch Pile On
The man lies down face up on the couch. The woman lies on top of him. They cover themselves with a blanket/duvet/similar. This is the cue for any and all children to come and sit on top of the pile, either pretending to ride horsey or shrieking “Pile on! Get dad!” depending on their age.
The Greatest Contraceptive in the World
A new curriculum?
I think it’s time that our schools seriously reconsidered the life skills curriculum. When do they ever give you advice on the absolute essentials? For example, consider the situation my friend Kath was faced with last week.
What do you do when your six-year-old walks into the lounge clutching your vibrator, exclaiming: “Hey mom, look at this cool shaker I found. You just twist it around like this.”
Your Gay Best Friend
Kids or no kids
Dear Gabriel
I’m in my 40s and divorced. I have two pre-teens. Recently I met a woman in her early 30s. She’s never been married. We’ve got pretty serious, I suppose. We both like the same things.
We met in a cycle club and we cycle marathons together. My ex-wife never liked things like that. We were planning to move in together in a month or two. Now, the thing is, right out of the blue the other night, she said that when we had our kids ... something or other. I didn’t even hear the rest. I mean what a shocker.
Your Gay Best Friend
To come out or not to come out, that is the question
Dear Gabriel
I’m a gay man in my 30s. I had one partner for 12 years until he died of a heart attack. I couldn’t really date for a couple of years, then I found it quite hard to find someone. I suppose I’m the kind that likes to settle with someone.
Finally, I have met someone. I really like him. He’s a lawyer. He’s fairly recently divorced and has two teenage kids. The only trouble is that we’ve been dating now for a couple of years and he still hasn’t come out to his kids.
Luke's World
The Parenting Closet
There’s a new closet among gay men today – it’s the parenting closet.
Now I’ve had a few boyfriends in my time who’ve seemed like babies – they have had to be fed, washed, clothed and looked after in ways which are alarmingly similar to parenting an infant.
Of course, my wiser and more insightful friends have suggested that I have a daddy/son thing going on (and this isn’t about age, by the way. I’ve parented men very near my age) and I need to be the boss in my relationships.
I will concede this is a possibility – and that some kind of complementary thing is going on (I need a son, they need a dad).
The problem with these kinds of relationships, of course, is that sons grow up and the deal only works while each party sticks to his role. And the more I understand these dynamics, the less inclined I am to seek out men who need parenting (with, I will admit, a few relapses along the way – hey I’m human!).
No, what I’m really talking about is the desire to (a) adopt a baby or (b) to have one in the “natural” way with a willing, often lesbian, friend or (c) to find a surrogate mother who would be willing to lend her womb, as it were, to the man or men concerned.
The Greatest Contraceptive in the World
Forbidden Fumblings
What is it about coveting what we can’t have? Honestly, during prohibition in the US, alcohol sales increased.
Only when the government finally realised that all they were doing was making the mafia rich, did they repeal those laws. What if I told you that the government was about to outlaw jelly babies…you’re already thinking about jelly babies, aren’t you?
You’re wondering whether you should just pop down to the corner shop quickly and buy some, before this law gets passed and they are banned. In fact, maybe you should stock up on some of those bulk packs. Mmmm, jelly babies.
The Greatest Contraceptive in the World
Doing the Dirty
We’ve all heard the stories about those poor unfortunate souls who walked in on their parents doing the dirty, and were scarred for life.
We really don’t like to acknowledge that our parents had sex – at least not more than the amount of times it took to make us and all our siblings. Good, old fashioned procreation – but not, God forbid, recreation!
The Greatest Contraceptive in the World
A little too close for comfort
CAUTION: Fainthearted readers, please skip the first paragraph.
So, to cut a long story short, I was watching a birthing video the other day (PLEASE don’t ask!), and this insane woman had her entire family present while she gave birth in a paddling pool at home.
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