Columns: Tag – Gay
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Luke's World
Never tell the truth
One of the ten commandments of internet dating is THOU SHALT NOT TELL THE TRUTH. Of course, I only discovered this a few weeks into my first foray. I had decided upfront that I was going to be honest. Surely, I thought, if a connection starts off on a lie, where else can it go but downhill?
Your Gay Best Friend
One person’s boring is another’s fantasy
Dear Gabriel,
I’m a gay man in my 20s. Am I old-fashioned? My boyfriend says I’m an idiot.
I haven’t had many relationships. I only came out a couple of years ago. My family hasn’t exactly disowned me, but they make it clear they’re not happy. My mother thinks it’s a phase.
Luke's World
Fooled by a floozy
The first time I went onto gaydar I got a flood of responses. Okay I made that up. A gentle surge would be more accurate. Flushed with slightly embarrassed pride, I spent a happy few hours sifting through my haul.
Luke's World
Narcissus of the internet
A dating profile is a mysterious thing. Mostly an outline, like a tracing of the real thing, it is often vague and always partial. Occasionally, though, it acts like a projective test, the profiler unwittingly revealing a lot more than he imagines.
Luke's World
As I wake up next to Rashad. Or is it Raveen?
To meet or not to meet, that is the question. Or at least that’s the question I ask my fellow internet daters. The advice given on a lot of sites suggests you don’t give out your phone number immediately. They encourage you to get to know someone and to meet in a neutral place on the first date.
Luke's World
Hard-ons and log-ons
Oh and all the second guessing that goes with this! What did I say about myself that could possibly be putting people off? Maybe they just don’t know quality when it slaps them in the face. Would a studio photograph help? Perhaps I should just tweak my profile.
Luke's World
The games some gay men play
Three recent internet dating experiences have really got me thinking about how some gay men really like to play games (and I don’t mean the tie me up kind).
Luke's World
The face to face meeting and how to do it with dignity
My good friend Simon, the one who has received the Order of the Honey Badger from the President for dedication to internet dating, was chatting to me recently about some of his experiences and it occurred to us that there were some real no nos around meeting a date face to face.
Luke's World
Sexual baggage
Are you honest about the number of men you’ve had sex with? A recent article in Attitude magazine got me thinking about how I approach this issue. They interviewed ten men and the number of partners ranged from 12 to 500.....
Luke's World
Humans with hearts and souls and not just penises and butts
I promised myself when I started this column that I wouldn’t write about race in a direct way; rather that I would allow my stories to talk about race in a natural and flowing way, seeing it as incidental to the larger narrative.
Luke's World
Why do we sabotage ourselves?
Why do we sabotage ourselves sometimes? You know what I mean - playing down our assets in our profile because we don’t want to “intimidate” men out there, having a mild flirtation with a really nice guy, then backing away from meeting them, or actually meeting someone, really fancying them, and then never contacting them again because “it would probably never have worked anyway”.
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Publish your love story
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Luke's World
Guide to the internet for the not-yet misanthropic
Gosh I had such an interesting experience recently – I got to meet someone I had met through the internet!
Yes the sarcasm is deliberate. I’m just so tired of men flirting and chatting and texting, but all the excitement is in the chase and not in the kill. I now am convinced that about 80% of the men who use the internet are not really serious about finding a partner – it’s just a game to them.
The real challenge for those of us who are serious, and who are reasonably intact psychologically, is to “do” the internet with hope and sincerity while not becoming completely misanthropic.
Luke's World
Good manners for gay men
I wrote recently about being “love’s executioner” – I had, I guess, burst the bubble of fantasy and hope when I met in person a guy who’d approached me online - and told him (and showed him) that I was just ordinary old me. Not the fabulous, handsome, all loving, all giving, never disappointing sex machine he had built me up to be.
Your Gay Best Friend
To come out or not to come out, that is the question
Dear Gabriel
I’m a gay man in my 30s. I had one partner for 12 years until he died of a heart attack. I couldn’t really date for a couple of years, then I found it quite hard to find someone. I suppose I’m the kind that likes to settle with someone.
Finally, I have met someone. I really like him. He’s a lawyer. He’s fairly recently divorced and has two teenage kids. The only trouble is that we’ve been dating now for a couple of years and he still hasn’t come out to his kids.
Luke's World
The Parenting Closet
There’s a new closet among gay men today – it’s the parenting closet.
Now I’ve had a few boyfriends in my time who’ve seemed like babies – they have had to be fed, washed, clothed and looked after in ways which are alarmingly similar to parenting an infant.
Of course, my wiser and more insightful friends have suggested that I have a daddy/son thing going on (and this isn’t about age, by the way. I’ve parented men very near my age) and I need to be the boss in my relationships.
I will concede this is a possibility – and that some kind of complementary thing is going on (I need a son, they need a dad).
The problem with these kinds of relationships, of course, is that sons grow up and the deal only works while each party sticks to his role. And the more I understand these dynamics, the less inclined I am to seek out men who need parenting (with, I will admit, a few relapses along the way – hey I’m human!).
No, what I’m really talking about is the desire to (a) adopt a baby or (b) to have one in the “natural” way with a willing, often lesbian, friend or (c) to find a surrogate mother who would be willing to lend her womb, as it were, to the man or men concerned.
A Lipstick Lesbian on the Prowl in London
Being Single - Seeing Couples
There are worse things than being single. Much worse things.
You could be in a wheelchair; you could be living in desperate poverty.
You could be dead.
But ask any 25-year-old single woman if she thinks there are worse things then being single and I’m positive her answer will be “not many”.
Luke's World
A mixed and mixed up community
Are gay and lesbian film festivals still necessary in 2008? I attended one recently and was struck by the incredible diversity of the opening night audience.
We were a motley bunch of all races, colours, shapes, sizes and persuasions. An elegantly put together air hostess stood out in her powder blue 50s outfit, topped with a jaunty pillbox hat. What was really striking about her was her height – at 1.85 metres she would stand taller than most overhead compartments (actually most planes) and struggle to offer us “chicken or beef”.
So yes, the drag contingent was there, some intentional, while others just adopted a hit or miss approach to gender presentation. I spotted a trans man of my acquaintance and he’s looking amazingly butch right now – I swear I want some of those testosterone shots he’s been getting.
Your Gay Best Friend
Is it still unfaithful?
Dear Gabriel
I’m a gay woman. I have lived with the same woman for 15 years. I have one question for you: is it still unfaithful if I slept with a man?
Luke's World
Settling down (Gasp!)
Have you ever reflected on key transition points in your life? I’m not talking about the time you moved from gym Barbie to club Barbie when you were seven (oh alright I know not all gay men did the doll thing, it’s a joke okay?).
And I’m also not talking about the time you decided the circuit at gym wasn’t going to make that buff body you always dreamed of and so you asked Craig the personal trainer to take you in hand, as it were.
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