Columns: Tag – Love
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Characters on the Couch
Two for the price of one
Dear Gabriel
A friend of mine, let’s call her Claire, told me in confidence about a man she’s seeing. She’s crazy about him, and he’s told her he loves her. Very expressive, apparently. Unusual for a man. But there were just a few things she told me that made me think I’d heard about this man before.
Another friend of mine has also been seeing someone who says all the right things and brings her flowers. So I asked Gail one or two quick questions and discovered they’re both seeing the same man.
Love Factually
Sucker Love
I saw her. As I hurried along the passage to enter the room, I saw her and her alone.
The restaurant was full but it was as if nobody but Iris was there. She wore a crimson-red shawl of rich texture and her oh-so-delicate face was framed by auburn-black curls.
Her face didn’t so much light up as it was aroused in recognition of my red hat. Caveau was abuzz and we needed somewhere quieter to talk of broken wings and love lost.
Characters on the Couch
How many times can you say “I love you”?
Dear Gabriel
Why does my wife insist on hearing that I love her all the time? I just don’t understand this neediness in women. What could have changed since 9pm yesterday? I told her last night that, when I stopped loving her, I’d tell her. Until then, she could take it as read. She burst into tears. Why is she so irrational?
The Greatest Contraceptive in the World
A new curriculum?
I think it’s time that our schools seriously reconsidered the life skills curriculum. When do they ever give you advice on the absolute essentials? For example, consider the situation my friend Kath was faced with last week.
What do you do when your six-year-old walks into the lounge clutching your vibrator, exclaiming: “Hey mom, look at this cool shaker I found. You just twist it around like this.”
Writing Quips and Tips
Preparing for the writers life
I sometimes imagine all the unfinished novels in drawers. All the characters who will never finish their journeys; the stories that will never draw to an end. Perhaps that in itself could be the starting point for a story. (Just an idea.) But why is it that so many people start out on their first novel with such enthusiasm, put so much effort and time into it, and then …?
A Lipstick Lesbian on the Prowl in London
Seventy-thousand lesbians flirting (or not)
You’d think my chances of hooking up, stealing a kiss, or meeting my soul mate would be quadrupled by being around 70 000 lesbians for an entire weekend….
Luke's World
Guide to the internet for the not-yet misanthropic
Gosh I had such an interesting experience recently – I got to meet someone I had met through the internet!
Yes the sarcasm is deliberate. I’m just so tired of men flirting and chatting and texting, but all the excitement is in the chase and not in the kill. I now am convinced that about 80% of the men who use the internet are not really serious about finding a partner – it’s just a game to them.
The real challenge for those of us who are serious, and who are reasonably intact psychologically, is to “do” the internet with hope and sincerity while not becoming completely misanthropic.
Characters on the Couch
Kids or no kids
Dear Gabriel
I’m in my 40s and divorced. I have two pre-teens. Recently I met a woman in her early 30s. She’s never been married. We’ve got pretty serious, I suppose. We both like the same things.
We met in a cycle club and we cycle marathons together. My ex-wife never liked things like that. We were planning to move in together in a month or two. Now, the thing is, right out of the blue the other night, she said that when we had our kids ... something or other. I didn’t even hear the rest. I mean what a shocker.
Writing Quips and Tips
Writing Romance - Five Tips
Many people think Romance writing is a bit like knitting. There’s a pattern to follow and, even if you’re a bit clumsy at first, you can knock off a finished product in a few afternoons while the kids are out playing.
Writing Quips and Tips
Writing Romance - Five More Tips
Good Romance relies on good characters. We need to believe in them. They should be strong and complex enough for us to identify with them.
Luke's World
Good manners for gay men
I wrote recently about being “love’s executioner” – I had, I guess, burst the bubble of fantasy and hope when I met in person a guy who’d approached me online - and told him (and showed him) that I was just ordinary old me. Not the fabulous, handsome, all loving, all giving, never disappointing sex machine he had built me up to be.
Love Factually
Literary Love
Love was in the crisp autumn air, as I strutted jauntily towards the City Book Fair.
Books summon up romance in my mind. More specifically, the image of a woman with whom I instantly fell in love as she pored over a textbook in the university library, way back when.
Way back when, round John Lennon glasses were big. And round. And she was wearing them, thus completing a vision of delectation which encompassed ebony ringlets falling forward over her flawlessly creamy face, a few freckles, a beauty spot … and a purple tie-dyed t-shirt with pink-paisley-patterned trim which, damn, I just cannot seem to edit out of my mind’s eye.
Characters on the Couch
To come out or not to come out, that is the question
Dear Gabriel
I’m a gay man in my 30s. I had one partner for 12 years until he died of a heart attack. I couldn’t really date for a couple of years, then I found it quite hard to find someone. I suppose I’m the kind that likes to settle with someone.
Finally, I have met someone. I really like him. He’s a lawyer. He’s fairly recently divorced and has two teenage kids. The only trouble is that we’ve been dating now for a couple of years and he still hasn’t come out to his kids.
Luke's World
The Parenting Closet
There’s a new closet among gay men today – it’s the parenting closet.
Now I’ve had a few boyfriends in my time who’ve seemed like babies – they have had to be fed, washed, clothed and looked after in ways which are alarmingly similar to parenting an infant.
Of course, my wiser and more insightful friends have suggested that I have a daddy/son thing going on (and this isn’t about age, by the way. I’ve parented men very near my age) and I need to be the boss in my relationships.
I will concede this is a possibility – and that some kind of complementary thing is going on (I need a son, they need a dad).
The problem with these kinds of relationships, of course, is that sons grow up and the deal only works while each party sticks to his role. And the more I understand these dynamics, the less inclined I am to seek out men who need parenting (with, I will admit, a few relapses along the way – hey I’m human!).
No, what I’m really talking about is the desire to (a) adopt a baby or (b) to have one in the “natural” way with a willing, often lesbian, friend or (c) to find a surrogate mother who would be willing to lend her womb, as it were, to the man or men concerned.
Writing Quips and Tips
Romance – Why People Read It
People write romance for all kinds of reasons. But if you’re considering starting your first love story, it’s a good idea to know why people read them.
The Greatest Contraceptive in the World
Forbidden Fumblings
What is it about coveting what we can’t have? Honestly, during prohibition in the US, alcohol sales increased.
Only when the government finally realised that all they were doing was making the mafia rich, did they repeal those laws. What if I told you that the government was about to outlaw jelly babies…you’re already thinking about jelly babies, aren’t you?
You’re wondering whether you should just pop down to the corner shop quickly and buy some, before this law gets passed and they are banned. In fact, maybe you should stock up on some of those bulk packs. Mmmm, jelly babies.
Writing Quips and Tips
Romance - Why Write It
If you think Romance is a lesser form of fiction, go off immediately and read Pride and Prejudice.
There are many kinds of genre fiction, but nobody accuses Ian Rankin or Ruth Rendell of being lesser writers – simply because they write Crime. Genre fiction has certain expectations and constraints. But what else you do with it is up to you – and your talent.
Love Factually
Loftysaurus goes Online Dating
“Hatter, you’re a sad loser who’s been on dating sites, can you help me?”
“Lofty, I’ve had a bash at…”
“Look, you need to show me how to put my profile on one. I seem to have run out of barmaids.”
“Run out of barm…”
“You won’t believe it, Hatter, they’ve ganged up on me. There must be a Barmaid’s Union or something and they’re coming over all militant. They won’t even serve me a cold one, never mind go home with me.”
A Lipstick Lesbian on the Prowl in London
Being Single - Seeing Couples
There are worse things than being single. Much worse things.
You could be in a wheelchair; you could be living in desperate poverty.
You could be dead.
But ask any 25-year-old single woman if she thinks there are worse things then being single and I’m positive her answer will be “not many”.
Love Factually
Loftysaurus gets Metrosexual
Thunnnk. My jaw hit the floor.
For once it wasn’t my automatic response to a sublime vision of angelic womanhood walking in the door. No, this was far more unexpected.
Lofty was walking towards me with what seemed to be a cocktail in each hand. I blinked again.
The lighting was rather low here in the rarefied loungey atmosphere of Julep, our new hangout. But, no. They WERE cocktails. And they WERE attached to those massive mitts that are always attached to Loftysaurus.