Columns: Tag – Sex
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A Lipstick Lesbian on the Prowl in London
About Astrid and her alter ego, Fluffy
Do your inside and your outside match? If they don’t, then you’ll understand why I have to introduce myself twice.
(Outside) If you would all turn your heads this way, that’s it, thank you. Perfect. I’m Astrid – sexy, voluptuous, Mediterranean olive skin, long dark flowing curls that almost cover my nipples. Expressive, dark, wooing eyes and … wait for it … two perfectly reconstructed silicone 34C breastesses.
Tell Us About
Tell us about your first time
I never knew whether I’d lost my virginity that night or not. I do know that nine months or so later – and ten, and eleven, and eighteen and twenty seven – I worried myself silly about the possibility that the dumpy little schoolgirl with whom I’d misbehaved would appear unannounced at my university residence door with, (impossible thought!) my baby in her arms.
All About Love Official Blog
In Search of a Sensitive Man
Allaboutlove is constantly on the look-out for good column material for you, our beloved readers. Our assiduousness in this regard is confirmed yet again by the following correspondence with a world-renowned columnist.
*Please note: his name has been changed since we absolutely refuse to give him the slightest recognition until he has accepted our extremely reasonable conditions.
Your Gay Best Friend
Is anal sex okay?
Dear Gabriel,
My lover wants to enjoy anal sex with me. Yuck! Should I? How? Will I enjoy it?
Your Gay Best Friend
Rekindle sex life
Dear Gabriel,
My husband and I met and got pregnant, just about that quickly. Now we have three small kids and we’re always tired. We never seem to go out, let alone have sex. I’m about to turn 29 and I’d like to rekindle my sex life. What should I do?
Your Gay Best Friend
Fabulous sex but wont commit
Dear Gabriel,
It’s been a long time coming. I have been out of a relationship for a few years. But some time ago, I met someone. I think he’s the love of my life. I just knew it, from the first time we talked at length. The trouble is he’s got major baggage
The Greatest Contraceptive in the World
The greatest contraceptive (Or how to have it all - and children.)
Our two year old has breast radar. As soon as my husband’s hand comes anywhere near mine, or it gets exposed to even one millimetre of daylight, he’s there. Grinning. He feels an ownership, clearly, and my husband’s protestations that “He found them first” go way over his little curly blonde head.
Your Gay Best Friend
Same sex encounter
Dear Gabriel,
I’m happily married. Or I thought I was until last week. I’ve been married for nine years and two months. I have everything I could possibly want. We have a nice house, twin daughters and recently bought a holiday house on the coast.
But last week, we went to a party. Everyone had a bit too much to drink and things got a little naughty.
The Greatest Contraceptive in the World
The complete guide to handy sexual positions for parents:
Position One: the Couch Pile On
The man lies down face up on the couch. The woman lies on top of him. They cover themselves with a blanket/duvet/similar. This is the cue for any and all children to come and sit on top of the pile, either pretending to ride horsey or shrieking “Pile on! Get dad!” depending on their age.
The Greatest Contraceptive in the World
The parents’ sex quiz
Only take this quiz if you are a parent.
The Greatest Contraceptive in the World
How to have sex when you’re expecting
The most important expectant parents should remember is that after baby is born, you will have to wait many years before you can have rampant sex around your house. By the time your children are old enough to be away for the whole night, you may be old enough not to want rampant sex around your house.
The Greatest Contraceptive in the World
The Curse of the Yummy Mummies
I stifle a scream as I stare at yet another tabloid feature on the incredible post-birth slimdowns of Nicole Ritchie, J Lo and their ilk. While these women have certainly “brought sexy back” to motherhood, they have also created ludicrous standards for ordinary women.
Your Gay Best Friend
How can I stop myself?
Dear Gabriel
I broke up with my boyfriend three months ago but I still have powerful feelings for him. The trouble is, when he comes knocking at my door I sleep with him.
Luke's World
Sexual baggage
Are you honest about the number of men you’ve had sex with? A recent article in Attitude magazine got me thinking about how I approach this issue. They interviewed ten men and the number of partners ranged from 12 to 500.....
The Greatest Contraceptive in the World
To suck or not to suck?
I have two nipple horror stories. I save them for particularly dull dinner parties when I want to horrify all those present. Especially the men.
The Greatest Contraceptive in the World
Three in the bed
One of my favourite quotes ever is from Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps, the cult British comedy. “And then she said: ‘Do you think this bed is big enough for three of us?’ and I thought ‘SCENE’! And then she told me she was preggers.”
The Greatest Contraceptive in the World
A new curriculum?
I think it’s time that our schools seriously reconsidered the life skills curriculum. When do they ever give you advice on the absolute essentials? For example, consider the situation my friend Kath was faced with last week.
What do you do when your six-year-old walks into the lounge clutching your vibrator, exclaiming: “Hey mom, look at this cool shaker I found. You just twist it around like this.”
The Greatest Contraceptive in the World
Forbidden Fumblings
What is it about coveting what we can’t have? Honestly, during prohibition in the US, alcohol sales increased.
Only when the government finally realised that all they were doing was making the mafia rich, did they repeal those laws. What if I told you that the government was about to outlaw jelly babies…you’re already thinking about jelly babies, aren’t you?
You’re wondering whether you should just pop down to the corner shop quickly and buy some, before this law gets passed and they are banned. In fact, maybe you should stock up on some of those bulk packs. Mmmm, jelly babies.
Love Factually
Loftysaurus goes Online Dating
“Hatter, you’re a sad loser who’s been on dating sites, can you help me?”
“Lofty, I’ve had a bash at…”
“Look, you need to show me how to put my profile on one. I seem to have run out of barmaids.”
“Run out of barm…”
“You won’t believe it, Hatter, they’ve ganged up on me. There must be a Barmaid’s Union or something and they’re coming over all militant. They won’t even serve me a cold one, never mind go home with me.”
Your Gay Best Friend
Sex just for sex sake?
Dear Gabriel
I haven’t had sex in eight years. I was a single mother, and for a while, didn’t feel the need. Then I suppose I got out the habit. Or maybe I come over too desperate.
I can live by myself (with my child) and I can keep myself occupied. But I just want to have sex. I bought the bloody vibrator at the suburban sex toy party. But I’m just no good with it. It seems cold.
I’ve recently got so desperate I have dreams and desperate longings. I can’t concentrate. I’m tempted to put an ad in the paper, or meet someone on the internet. Anyone, just so long as I get to feel a real man’s skin.
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